Here we go again folks. It's time for terrible tales from tax-mania! Continue reading at your own risk - what lurks below may cause indigestion, high blood pressure, and fits of rage.

Tale #1 - Even Talk of Separation Has Its Price

Last summer, the Supreme Court ruled that Quebec cannot legally separate from Canada on its own, but if a clear majority of Quebecers vote to separate, the federal government must negotiate. It was, however, a costly case for taxpayers. According to documents released by the federal government in December, the lawyer who argued for the separatist side in the case, Andre Joli-Coeur, has billed the federal government (read taxpayers) almost $1.3 million. Mr. Joli-Coeur was appointed by the Supreme Court to argue the separatists' case after the Quebec government refused to participate. Copies of his invoices were released after he lost a battle in Federal Court to keep his fees of $200 per hour secret. In comparison, the Canadian government spent $800,000 preparing the federalist case.

Tale #2 - A Tax on Rocks

Revenue Canada officials say that starting this spring, they'll pursue competitive curlers to pay taxes on their winnings. Up until now, curlers have enjoyed tax exempt status on their winnings because the amounts were relatively small and the travel expenses were large. As a result, most curlers would have actually received a tax refund for losses rather than paying tax on their winnings if they were forced to report it as income. But with larger purses and sponsorships more readily available, Revenue Canada believes many people may be curling for a living. Although they plan to start by scrutinizing the tax returns of members who belong to the top 10 rinks in the country, tax officials have stated that they'll widen their net if they feel other bonspiel winnings are not being reported.

Tale #3 - The Sweet Smell of Tax Dollars

A government spokesperson in Ottawa recently confirmed that as part of the $40,000 renovation to the luxurious private gym for MPs, construction workers have installed a $700 aromatherapy system in the Roman-style steam bath. Aromatherapy is "the use of oils extracted from plants to enhance one's health." Practitioners say aromatherapy releases a plant's "life force" and can have subtle effects on the part of the brain that controls mood and emotion. MPs have selected eucalyptus as their aroma of choice to be pumped into the steam bath. (Great, just what we need - politicians in Ottawa hopped up on eucalyptus!)

Tale #4 - The Joke's On Us

The federal Heritage Department has revealed that through one of its grant programs, taxpayers have helped publish a book on "dumb blond jokes". In 1998, Heritage Canada gave $98,000 to Montreal-based Edimag Inc. that published a book entitled Les 500 Meilleurs Gags Sur Les Blondes (The 500 Best Blonde Gags). The book features such gems as "Why are blondes unable to play water polo Because the horses drown." Edimag Inc. received the grant under the Book Publishing Industry Development Program, which issues more than $30 million in grants each year. Other grant recipients include former separatist premier of Quebec, Jacques Parizeau. He received a taxpayer grant in 1997 for his book entitled Pour un Quebec Souverain (For a Sovereign Quebec).

Need I say more